F U VERA WANG

So after BB got me all jazzed up to be the Anti-Bride, F the wedding industry and all, I felt empowered and ready to plan my wedding my way . . . until  . . . . this showed up in my inbox:

Do you see how she is taunting me . . . . Spend $6000 on me . . . on you . . . you only get ONE big day.

Instantly I thought, maybe I could sell one of my ovaries. And I was serious. True story. And that's exactly what stupid Vera Wang wanted making a dress like that. She's got some nerve. BITCH.

There is only one other time in my life when I can remember feeling like I had to have something so bad, (ok maybe 2 but I'll take that story to the grave) that I would do anything to have it. Once I was shopping with my aunt on Rodeo Drive (we must have been lost), we were at Tiffany's and I tried on a diamond ring that was so beautiful I actually hatched out a plan to over take the security guard and run as fast as I could out to my aunts car where she would be waiting to make a quick get-a-way. Again, I was serious. This is what pretty-sparkly things do to me. Even I am appalled at my own ridiculousness but what is a girl to do, it is my one and only wedding after all!